My Tips For Talking About The Promise With Girls

There’s a lot of questions on Twitter and Facebook that I’ve seen asking how to talk about the new Girlguiding promise wording with young members. So here’s my lunchbreak thoughts:

1. Start with right/wrong. Ask the girls to write/draw/say things that might be considered right or wrong and put them into the two categories. Give them scenarios at an appropriate level that will cause a little more discussion and be more difficult to decide which category to put it in. Morality is a key part of spirituality and most girls of any age will get the idea that there are good things they should do and bad things that they shouldn’t do. Being true to yourself is doing the right thing (or not doing the wrong thing) possibly in the face of pressure to do the opposite.
2. Talk about respect. One action might be seen as right by some and wrong by others e.g. eating meat.  People will hold different beliefs and it’s important to respect them. You can explain respect as the right or wrong way to behave towards other people.
3.  Highlight diversity. Use activities from existing badges and resources to show the girls different beliefs and spiritual practises from around the world including both religious and secular traditions. There are lots of activity ideas out there on the web too.
4. Ask the girls. They might surprise you with what they understand so just ask the questions ‘what do you think beliefs are’ or ‘what do you think community means’.
5. Be true to yourself. As an adult volunteer you may or may not have made the promise or have any intention of doing so, but if you’re going to help girls on the journey to understand what the promise means to them, I think the best place to start is by understanding what the promise means to you. Take some time to consider each phrase and how it relates to you – I recommend a quiet relaxing location like whilst out for a walk or in the bath, I find those are the best times for thinking.

Promises, Promises

You may have seen on the news that Girlguiding has changed the wording of the promise – a ritual that has been part of the organisation, I think from the beginning (correct me if I’m wrong on this fact, internet research on this fact was not fruitful). It has changed 11 times before, most recently in the early 1990’s, but as that was before I joined the organisation I have only known one promise up to this point (well two if you count the fact that I used a simpler version in Rainbows). And I’m really happy for the change this week, for the organisation and for myself. 

The change follows extensive consultation with members of all ages as well as non-members from different interested parts of society – the new wording is what people want and it more fully encompasses what Girlguiding aims to deliver in a phrasing that is relevant to now. There’s more information on the Girlguiding website, but here’s the new wording for Brownies upwards*:

I promise that I will do my best

To be true to myself and develop my beliefs

To serve the Queen and my community

To help other people and to keep the (Brownie) Guide Laws.

And for Rainbows:

I promise that I will do my best to think about my beliefs and to be kind and helpful.

Girlguiding seeks to offer girls and young women spiritual development as one of the pillars of the programme, and this is so much broader that what might fall under loving one’s god. It’s explained in the FAQs on the Girlguiding website (members only) as follows:

“Spiritual development is one of the six aspects of development of girls and young women that Girlguiding focuses on, alongside the social, emotional, moral, intellectual and physical aspects. Spirituality is open and accessible to everyone. It is concerned with the inner life and its meaning and purpose, and with making sense of the world around us. Spiritual development is an independent journey that continues throughout our lives. Within the guiding programme we define spiritual development as making your own spiritual choices, respecting the spiritual choices of others and achieving inner peace.”

I would think that the majority of people, regardless of religious persuasion, would agree that faith or spirituality is a personal journey – even in the largest, most traditional, congregation each person is walking their own path. 

Three years ago I organised some debates where young Girlguiding members spoke out on issues in the organisation that they wanted to see change on, and the promise was one of those areas. I identified with the arguments used in those debates, and on a personal level, I have to admit I have been making a promise that I didn’t entirely believe in for many years. I spent a lot of time reasoning with myself as I could see how the sentiments behind it, which I did support, were more important than the semantics I didn’t like but had to use to express them at the time. I have faith, I have beliefs, I don’t have a religion, and I don’t have a God.

I remade my promise in several locations that it just wasn’t easy or appropriate to abstain from – not least on a live video stream broadcast across the country at the end of the year of centenary celebrations in 2012. When you’re surrounded by a crowd repeating words in unison, it’s difficult to not feel apart, separated and somewhat unwelcome by an internal conflict over the words being used. 

But Guiding and Scouting is a movement I fully believe in and has made me the person I am today. I can see the potential for what we can all achieve together and that is why I continue to be part of Guiding. 

The new wording brings me a lot more internal peace, whilst, I hope, still conveying the same meaning for those people who identified word for word with the previous incarnation. I believe this isn’t a change to the promise, but a change to the words making them more open, more relevant and clearer.

*The previous wording was: I promise that I will do my best to love my god, to serve the queen and my country, to help other people and to keep the Guide Laws.

What I Think About At Church

Peterborough Cathedral Nave Ceiling

Peterborough Cathedral. I do love the building. Having gone there as a pre-teen out of choice, we've been visiting it over the Easter period as the best source of organ music on a Sunday morning in this city. And it's my partner's favourite holiday of the year (and she's American and holiday's are a big deal)! I also quite like coming home smelling in incense.

I don't define myself as Christian anymore - I was baptised and confirmed at this very Cathedral when I was 12, coming up with the definition of a Christian as someone who believes in Jesus during my confirmation classes. I've since developed other beliefs, and don't fit into that category anymore. I do think spirituality is important though. And I do, for some reason, feel like the Church of England is my church, even if I don't fully belong there.

Easter Sunday, midway through one of the gospel readings, and there are shafts of spring sunlight breaking through the southern windows and picked out by the clouds of incense rising towards an absolutely stunning ceiling. And that for me is what this holiday is about - the sunlight breaking through at the (nearly) end of winter, the flowers poking up their heads and the ongoing turning of the seasons.

Gloucester, MA, Unitarian Universalist Church

It made me think of some of the sermons that I heard at the Unitarian Universalist Church I attended whilst in the USA a few months ago. The minister drew parallels of how the stories of the Bible might play out if they were to happen in this time. That it's the essence of these stories that is the message, not the specifics written for a different time and a different place.
Compassion, sacrificing pride to help those in need, these are the important lessons.

When I was a teenager attending the Cathedral services occasionally, and more often a youth group on a Sunday evening, I was kept engaged for one simple reason. The then Canon Stephen Cottrell (He's now Bishop of Chelmsford and he has a website). He was an advocate for women bishops even 10 years ago, and actually made me, as a teenager questioning my sexuality, feel like I could belong to this community. Going back in the last few weeks I'm not sure I'm welcome anymore.

The Octagon, Norwich

Over the summer I attended a Unitarian Church in Norwich, and each week was an interesting talk on ethics or spirituality, that then got dissected over our lunch at a nearby vegetarian restaurant. There were fewer people than the US congregation, but still the welcoming atmosphere was clear. My time in the USA showed me how a strong community can be nurtured within a church and still welcome newcomers whatever there disposition of faith. The Church of England, however, has done a lot to not just make feel excluded, but pass judgement on my life even when I'm not a permanent fixture in their congregation.

I remember running youth services where it was suggested that one day a woman bishops may preach fro behind the altar. Now that feels further away than ever. On Palm Sunday instead of a sermon, there was a reading divided amongst 7 or 8 characters. Women featured, but were reserved to characters of beggar and criminal. Easter Sunday and the highlight for the women's contribution is a couple of readings and the one line dismissal. I would be intrigued to know if a women has ever given the sermon from that pulpit.

Not evening mentioning the equal marriage debate...

Spirituality is important to me, but right now I find that more in a joyful walk across the countryside, taking in the wonder of nature, than in listening to men talking down to me.

I might stick to the country walks for now, or take a trip down to Chelmsford (do they have a good organ?).