What I Think About At Church

Peterborough Cathedral Nave Ceiling

Peterborough Cathedral. I do love the building. Having gone there as a pre-teen out of choice, we've been visiting it over the Easter period as the best source of organ music on a Sunday morning in this city. And it's my partner's favourite holiday of the year (and she's American and holiday's are a big deal)! I also quite like coming home smelling in incense.

I don't define myself as Christian anymore - I was baptised and confirmed at this very Cathedral when I was 12, coming up with the definition of a Christian as someone who believes in Jesus during my confirmation classes. I've since developed other beliefs, and don't fit into that category anymore. I do think spirituality is important though. And I do, for some reason, feel like the Church of England is my church, even if I don't fully belong there.

Easter Sunday, midway through one of the gospel readings, and there are shafts of spring sunlight breaking through the southern windows and picked out by the clouds of incense rising towards an absolutely stunning ceiling. And that for me is what this holiday is about - the sunlight breaking through at the (nearly) end of winter, the flowers poking up their heads and the ongoing turning of the seasons.

Gloucester, MA, Unitarian Universalist Church

It made me think of some of the sermons that I heard at the Unitarian Universalist Church I attended whilst in the USA a few months ago. The minister drew parallels of how the stories of the Bible might play out if they were to happen in this time. That it's the essence of these stories that is the message, not the specifics written for a different time and a different place.
Compassion, sacrificing pride to help those in need, these are the important lessons.

When I was a teenager attending the Cathedral services occasionally, and more often a youth group on a Sunday evening, I was kept engaged for one simple reason. The then Canon Stephen Cottrell (He's now Bishop of Chelmsford and he has a website). He was an advocate for women bishops even 10 years ago, and actually made me, as a teenager questioning my sexuality, feel like I could belong to this community. Going back in the last few weeks I'm not sure I'm welcome anymore.

The Octagon, Norwich

Over the summer I attended a Unitarian Church in Norwich, and each week was an interesting talk on ethics or spirituality, that then got dissected over our lunch at a nearby vegetarian restaurant. There were fewer people than the US congregation, but still the welcoming atmosphere was clear. My time in the USA showed me how a strong community can be nurtured within a church and still welcome newcomers whatever there disposition of faith. The Church of England, however, has done a lot to not just make feel excluded, but pass judgement on my life even when I'm not a permanent fixture in their congregation.

I remember running youth services where it was suggested that one day a woman bishops may preach fro behind the altar. Now that feels further away than ever. On Palm Sunday instead of a sermon, there was a reading divided amongst 7 or 8 characters. Women featured, but were reserved to characters of beggar and criminal. Easter Sunday and the highlight for the women's contribution is a couple of readings and the one line dismissal. I would be intrigued to know if a women has ever given the sermon from that pulpit.

Not evening mentioning the equal marriage debate...

Spirituality is important to me, but right now I find that more in a joyful walk across the countryside, taking in the wonder of nature, than in listening to men talking down to me.

I might stick to the country walks for now, or take a trip down to Chelmsford (do they have a good organ?).