How we talk to...anyone.

This is me (in the flowery dress holding the see-saw), aged 5. You can tell that from the useful hat I'm wearing say 'I'm 5'. It was my birthday party, and it was the mid-90s. I'm sure many people told me how pretty I was in my special birthday dress that day.

My partner pointed out this blog post earlier today. It's a great disscussion of how the topics of conversation we use when talking to young girls can set them up with their priorities in life - namely the focus on how they look. It offers up a solution to how we can change that. The blog suggests that when you talk to a young girl, catch yourself, and talk about their favourite books or what they're doing at school as a way to emphasise the value of what's on the inside.

I think it goes beyond little girls though, I think it's about how we communicate with anyone. Yes, girls at a young age are probably particularly vulnerable to that kind of conversation, but what about how we talk to boys? If you're going to try to deconstruct the gender binary and the unequal relations within that, then you have to talk to boys differently too.

And beyond those occasional (if like me you don't live with young children everyday) conversations, there's the communication coming from the TV, from magazines and books, and for older girls and women through social media. You should check out A Mighty Girl for some fab solutions on the first three in terms of reading/watching materials.

Social media is a tricky one. If you post publicly or even within a large 'friend' network you don't know who's seeing what you're saying, what context it's placed within from what all their other friends are talking about, or what things are on that persons mind. Now it's frankly ridiculous to suggest that we never comment on people's photos talling them they look beautiful - because that can make someone's day. But I do think we need to make sure we're using the medium as an educative tool and to build relationships that go beyond looks. And if we approach it from the receiving end to make sure we're getting a balanced variety of content, we're more likely to share things that aren't just about the cosmetic, and in turn we're more likely to be having conversation with other people about what's on the inside.

Having started at my 5th birthday, fast forward just a few years (and then a few more) and we're at the Camp Out event that ran over my 21st a couple of years ago.

I'm back on the subject of Guiding. I think it's very relevant in this case, as is any other uniformed group or situation. When you're wearing a uniform it's not about what's on the outside anymore. I have no statistical evidence, but I think you are much more likely to focus on 'inside' things when your clothing is similar or the same as those people around you. And I want to draw on the Guiding example in particular, because when I wear my uniform in a public situation, the number one question I get asked is 'What's that badge?'. And I get the fun part of explaining the different cool things I've done over the years to get woven patches and little metal pins to add to my clothing. Yes, it's an automatic question relating to what people can see about how I look, but my answer isn't 'thank you I spent hours making my hair perfect this morning', it's 'I have a UN badge on my uniform because through Guiding I travelled to UN meetings in New York and Rio and London and Bali and spoke/facilitated/lobbied negotiators'. Now you can't say that with a haircut.

If we can show people from a young age that they can show what's on the inside by what they wear on the outside, then it'll make it even easier to change that first thing you say to them to be about what's on the inside.