There's Nothing You Can't Do, Now You're In New York.

In the second installment of tonight's blogging, trying to get my head around how I feel right now. So here's a list:

1. Jet-Lagged. Having worked flat out on an important project at work right up to leaving at 4pm yesterday to go to the airport, I was tired before I even set out. I slept on the plane, with nightmares of unfinished pieces of work that I could never seem to complete. Today would have been an exausting day regardless of the time difference and curling up in bed finally at 1am this morning - so I think this has to be my primary feeling right now. 
2. Confused. Over many years I've questioned the whole notion of gender and sex and my place within it. This is the subject for a much longer post and discussion, but I don't believe it is a binary, and I don't always feel like I want to define myself as female. This creates a really big question in my life when being part of an organisation for GIRL guides and GIRL scouts has given me so many amazing opportunities and continues to do so. I know I can volunteer in many roles regardless of my gender identity, but how do I feel about myself as a young member still? I believe in gender equality and ending gender-based violence. As WAGGGS delegates we are still fighting for the needs of girls and women to be recognised as often as they should, so trying to even approach the idea that there are other gender identities with their specific needs seems a mountain too far for the UN process right now. 
3. At Home/Homesick. Since this time last year, when me and my partner began are swaps back and forth between the US and the UK, I have felt like both are home, but also both are away from home at the same time. Each country has its ups and its downs, and we've been navigating the distances from friends and family since. This is the first time we're apart and in each others countries though. I faced a couple of probing questions at immigration and I have no doubt that a previous interrogation I faced for mentioning an American partner is on my record. What I know for sure is that I married (well civilly-partnered) the right person, she's both my partner and my best friend, my soul mate, and I wish it wasn't the early hours of her morning right now so that I could sit down and talk to her.  
4. Excited/Overwhelmed. It still hasn't entirely sunk in that I'm speaking on Tuesday. Whilst I've spoken at previous UN Commission on the Status of Women events, the audience will be heads of state this time and I feel a weight of speaking on behalf of lots of other youth. Hopefully, sorting out number 1 with lots of sleep will move this more towards the excited, and less of the overwhelmed. 

I shall definitely be heading to bed after this delegation briefing.